Poor Memphis

My poor little man had to get stitches tonight. All day long he has been in a cuddly, don't want to be in the car kind of mood and that is where he has spent most of it, and didn't get a nap. I have been running errands all day long and we finally arrived home at 7:15. Memphis had finally fallen asleep about 10 minutes before we pulled into the driveway, (which is typical) and when I pulled him out of the car I noticed that he was feeling fairly warm. I didn't think much of it since he sleeps pretty hot. I put him in the tub and he was whining and didn't want to be in there but also didn't want me to take him out. So, when I was holding him up to wash his body he lurched forward, throwing himself into the side of the tub. Honestly, this just irritated me until I saw the water in the tub turning red! I turned his head and saw blood. When I went to wipe it away I felt the meat from the gash. It was terrible. I felt terrible. I FEEL terrible! I immediately grabbed him out of the tub, told Wren to rinse her hair and get dressed, put a diaper on him while applying pressure with a towel to his head, gave him a sucker to try to calm him down, hoping the bleeding would slow down if he weren't so hysterical and got everybody in the car. I tried calling Val to see if she could come get Wren but could never get a hold of her so called Jeremiah to try and calm my nerves. It helped a little.... When we finally got to Redicare, there was a room full of people and my poor bleeding baby had to wait for every one of them before he got called back! It was very frustrating and scary. Especially since he fell asleep and I didn't know if he had a concussion or what! So we finally got back there, they scrubbed at it and got it "clean"- not an enjoyable experience for Memphis or me since I got to hold him down for that. They also took his temp which was at 102.8. Then they gave me a wad of gauze doused in saline and told me to keep that pressed against the wound until the dr came in. About 5 min later a nurse comes in and gives me a cold washcloth to put on the back of his neck for the fever - want to know what Memphis thought of that plan? NOTHING GOOD! Want to know who got to hold him down with it pressed against his neck? ME! I'm not sure who cried more tonight!  Well, 45 min - 1 hr later the dr. finally comes in... Pretty sure we were forgotten for awhile. Turns out they had to apply a numbing solution which took another 45 min then they gave him a shot directly into the gash (which almost made me pass out and makes my stomach heave to think about) which the numbing solution did not do a very good job of numbing by the way! Then they gave him stitches, which he fell asleep during. They then decided to check his ears because of his temp and sure enough, he also has a double ear infection. 

When we got home all he wanted was for me to hold him. That's all I wanted to do as we'll, but since ms. Wren needed to be put to bed that was not an option. :( poor kid! I am now sitting here listening to him whimper in his sleep. I know he'll sleep better if I just leave him alone in his bed but I just want to go in there and snuggle with him!!

Rough night all around!

Wren Graduates!

Wren graduated from 3 year old preschool this month. Awwww! She's so beautiful and smart and sweet! We love her around here! 

She got some gifts from mom and dad. Her first markers (eeek!), some pencils, skittles and a princess coloring book. 

Mom and dad are so proud of our girl! She did so good! She sang songs and they had a graduation poem that read:

"Do you remember way last fall

When I was only just this tall

Now look at me, I'm up to here

And my, I've grown a lot this year

In fact, you think I'm really great 

That's why I get to GRADUATE!!"

Super cute. She worked on it really hard and was one of the only kids that knew it well!

This is her teacher, Mrs. Jana Hill. She called her "teacher" all year long. She was a great teacher and we're sad that she is going back to work so Wren won't be able to go to her for 4 year old preschool next year! So the search is on again!

Toys R Us

Tonight I couldn't handle being in my house anymore so I took the kids over to Valerie's. they were doing some major remodeling in their basement and we were pretty much just in the way so we scooted out of there. It was only 5:00 and I didn't want to go home so I decided we would go somewhere to eat. The only fast food I felt like eating was Burger King (still gross) but when I pulled into the parking lot I decided to let the kids go into toys r us to look at toys. I was a little scared at this point because I wanted to deal with ZERO fits about having to leave toys there. Wren was in H.E.A.V.E.N. she was running up and down the isles saying "oh my gosh mom, come look at this" "mom, this is so awesome!" "This is the best store ever mom!" It was sooo cute. Memphis just sat in the cart, content to be pushed around and wanting me to blow in his face. Crazy kid! ;) 

When we got to the bike/car aisle, wren jumped into this little Mini Cooper and cried out, "mom, the door was UNLOCKED!!" Then I couldn't even get her to look at me and smile because she was "vrrrrooooming" away! 

We had a really good time, wren didnt cry or ask for anything when we left and we still got to have BK on the way home. Toys R Us must have really worn her out because there was only one getting out if bed tonight and that was to go potty! 

THAT'S what I call a successful night! 

Panic attacks

Ok, since Jeremiah has been gone on this hitch I have not been sleeping well. I'm talking -not going to sleep until almost 5, sometimes more like 7 in the morning. It's crazy. I have these anxiety or panic attacks while I'm laying in bed thinking about what could happen. The day that Jeremiah went back on. (He's working in ND right now) I woke up with a numb hand. While trying to get the blood flowing back into it, other fingers went to sleep. Then my lips went tingly on the right side of my face. Then my leg felt weak. I thought I was having a strike and really started to panic. This happened to me one other time and Jeremiah was not home for that time either. I knew that things were going to get worse and I just kept thinking "what if I die?!" I don't necessarily call anyone in a daily basis and if Jeremiah didnt hear from me that night when he got to ND, he probably wouldn't be too concerned until the next day sometime. Meanwhile our kids would be stuck in our house all alone, no one to take care of them. With moms dead body. Yes, morbid, I know! So, I tried to text Valerie and just ended up sending her gibberish but somehow managed to get the HELP message in there. She called and had Sam Hendricks, her Father in Law come over and sit with my kids and she took me to the dr. I was reluctant to go because I have no insurance and NO money :( she was so worried that she fronted the bill. After seeing the dr. I had a migraine and they gave me three shots in the hip. ($410 later! Ugh). So. After that scare I think that I am now more worried than ever about what could happen if something happened to me or I am also really worried about someone breaking into the house. I have set up an air conditioner in our bedroom so I can't hear what's going on upstairs as well and every creak or weird noise jolts me awake. I need sleep and I don't know how to get past this fear I'm having. Grrr! I feel on the edge all the time. What to do??

Random

Ok, I realize that I haven't written on this blog in a LOOOONG time. Weirdly the thing that brought me back was a betrayal from a friend. This is a friend that has been "off" one other time in our friendship and at least at the time that the first "off" happened, I had a sense of what had happened. Granted, I still feel like she took the cheap, cowardly way out by writing me a letter, but at least I had a reason. This time she just disappeared out of my life one day. Her and her family moved to Rexburg. I'm pretty sure that when the first moved there that I saw her more than I did when she lived in IF. I went down there fairly often and always stopped to say hi or we got together and went to the water park or did something. I have NO IDEA what I did to her. She unfriended me on facebook and won't return any messages. I really feel like I was a good friend in this relationship. It is so frustrating/hurtful/confusing to me because I really feel like I put myself into this relationship and got nothing back. What is wrong with people? What is wrong with you?

Life these days

Jeremiah is now working in North Dakota in the oil fields. He has been out for 3 months now and I HATE it! I love the money and that we are getting our bills paid off. We are still living paycheck to paycheck, but at least now all of our bills are getting paid every month and we have money to budget some fun stuff also. I hate that he is gone for 4 weeks at a time. It is sooooo hard! It is really hard for Wren also. She asked me one night why daddy no love her! It was super sad! It gets so lonely without him here and some days I feel like I am slowly going crazy for lack of adult interaction and just touching. And nothing dirty by the way, just holding hands, having him hug me and just knowing that he is there. Night times are especially bad, especially when I hear random noises and then can't sleep at night. When he is not here, I don't sleep well and have to take naps most days. The week that he gets to come home is bittersweet. I am always counting down to when he is going to be home but when he gets here, I feel like the silent countdown of when he leaves again starts and I start to feel more and more anxiety as the time goes on.

We have decided that as soon as our credit cards are all paid off that we will all be moving out to ND to be with Jeremiah. It is just not natural to be separated like this.

7 Months old

Memphis Miles Martin


This boy is my joy! He is such a good baby. He doesn't cry unless he is tired or hungry. He has slept through the night for most of his life and is just so laid back and easy going.

Memphis Fun Facts:
he loves bath time and splashing!
he LOVES Wren, he just stares at her until she talks to him and then just smiles so big! I love it!
he is soooo tolerant of Wren and her "loving" of him. She is so rough with him and he just laughs!
he LOVES mommy also, he will follow me with his eyes everywhere I go.
The boy REFUSES to roll over. he doesn't care if I put him on his tummy. He will just lay there and go to sleep or play with a toy. he does know HOW to do it, he just refuses to actually follow through.
he is my pill bug. He will roll his legs up into his chest and roll from side to side when I lay him on his back.
he has the sweetest giggle and the girliest little scream when he is "talking" Mommy likes it, probably not many others though!
he is starting to like toys and has a couple that are favorites.