Just for me...

I know that my life is not so hard... I know that I should be so grateful for everything that I have... I know that I am so blessed... however...

sometimes things are just overwhelming and I need an outlet! This is it!

This pregnancy has been very difficult for me. I have been extremely stressed and anxious. It started when I first started spotting and I have continued to spot throughout. That combined with Jeremiah being laid off at the end of January increased my stress level a LOT! We had just gotten all of our bills out of collection and now it feels like we are right back where we started - We need a BREAK from $$ problems! Then, he was unable to find a job really quickly and so started working on the farm. I am so grateful that he was able to get this job and love dad for hiring him - however, it is a stressful job. He is gone 12-17 hours a day 6 days a week. I miss him! Wren misses him! My doctor has told me that he is not too concerned with the spotting but that I should continue to take it easy and be on semi-bed rest. Not really a possibility with the little ball of energy that we named Wren running around and trying to be a good mom to her. So sometimes I feel like I have to choose between being a good mom to Wren or a good mom to my unborn baby.

I feel like I can't really DO a whole lot to get ready for this baby. I lay awake at night making lists in my head of everything that I need to do before he arrives. Of course during the day I have no energy to do any of the things on my list! Most of the time I want to just lay in bed all day and cry or sleep. I have also been having anxiety attacks, my heart starts beating like crazy and it's hard to catch my breath. So, I talked to Dr. Hall and he gave me an Rx for wellbutrin. I am still waiting for it to "kick in" but I am really hoping that it will make a difference, not only for my well being but for the sake of my kiddos.

On the other side of this conversation - I really do love being pregnant. I love feeling this little guy moving around and punching me so hard in the middle of the night that it wakes me up! I love that whenever Jeremiah puts his hand on my stomach he gets kicked super hard and for a long time also. Wren would always stop kicking as soon as I would change positions or when Jeremiah would try to feel her. I really even love seeing my belly get bigger although I'm sure that will be a source of stress after he arrives! I also love that I haven't gained any weight with this pregnancy. Jr. is measuring fine and everything looks good, but I have just been eating fairly healthy and probably chasing Wren around has helped as well!

Thanks for listening... If you feel like I have been ignoring you or are trying to block you out of my life, please forgive me! I have been feeling like I am in a dark place lately and have not been able to see any light! I hope that things are going to be better with me in the next couple of weeks and that I can hop out of this slump - so just give me a little time, k?