infertility

I just need to vent a little.

Jeremiah and I tried for 7 years to get pregnant before we received the blessing we named Wren Lorraine Martin. We are now trying to get pregnant again and I hate it. It is a terrible roller coaster ride aided with medication and lots of mood swings. I take two clomid each day which give me the symptoms of menopause - mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats... the list goes on. Then there is the metformin that I take which causes stomach issues, stomach cramps and diarrhea. Don't get me wrong, these are all things that I am happy to "deal" with most of the time but I hate month after month of waiting to see what is going to happen, am I going to get pregnant? am I going to have to continue the roller coaster? Each month I question why I don't get to be pregnant when I see people around me who are terrible parents getting pregnant, I see children going to homes where they are abused and unloved. It makes me sad and a little bit angry. Sometimes a lot bit angry! I know that I need to just be patient and realize that God has a plan for me and that I should trust in him. Before we had Wren I had a lot of anger towards God and once we finally got pregnant and it stuck (we had 4 miscarriages in those 7 years), I was grateful for the time that Jeremiah and I had to become a stronger couple and learn the things that we wanted to teach our child(ren) when we were finally blessed with them. I know that there is a process and that I will once again be grateful for the trials that I am going through when I see the bigger picture but while going through those trials it just sucks!

so like I said, just venting.