just cause.....

Okay, so my friend Angela has been having a hard time with some people in her ward and on her PERSONAL blog posted the following entry she has now decided to take it down or I would just provide a link to her blog. Just so you know, Angela is a great person! She is the kind of person that can take criticism very well - she will listen to what you have to say and then really consider it and can admit if she is wrong!! She received a lot of bad feedback because of this post and I just feel that you should be able to post something on your own blog and have the people who randomly read your blog respect what you have to say and even if they don't agree, perhaps just respond in a respectful manner!


Friendship & The Golden Rule
The past month has been a very difficult one for me. I have recieved some deep flesh wounds from some "so called" friends. It began as a small disagreement and then just snowballed from there.But, this post is not about what happened or didn't happen; who is right and who is wrong. This post is about friendship and how to treat people.Anyone who knows me very well knows that I'm the type of person that loves people and makes friends very easily...and I take those friendships very seriously. I will do anything for my friends, just ask them. I also think that the TRUE test of friendship is when there is an arguement or disagreement. If you really value that friend, you'll have an open heart and really want to fix the problem. I've had this experience in the past and it has made the friendships even stronger afterwards. Needless to say, this did not happen this time. These ladies felt it was more important for them to be "right" than to care about me or my feelings or show me any kind of respect and/or love in the process. In fact, they actually used their leadership callings in the church to go to the bishop and have me released from my calling without even trying to work it out with me first. Wow. That's just wrong. I guess they didn't value my friendship, which makes me sad.This whole thing makes me sad: sad that they didn't care enough about me or that they think so little of me that they couldn't come to me to talk it out. Am I really THAT scary of a person? I'm sad that the bishopric had to be involved; sad to lose a calling that I loved and was good at (the bishop said I was the BEST Primary Choirster they've EVER had in the ward); sad that my feelings have been hurt so deeply; and sad to lose two "friends" in the process. But, I guess if this is the way they treat people after some small disagreement, it's better to find this out sooner than later and it makes me really feel bad for them.Thankfully, my wonderful husband and TRUE friends have rallied around me and supported me through this whole emotional rollercoaster. We all just can't believe how this molehill became a mountain to these ladies and sad that this has happened in our ward. I have a wonderful husband. Seth is very wise and has really helped me remember what's important in my life. He knows just what to say and how to say it to help me feel better and keep the right perspective during this most recent drama. He has given me several good things to ponder and pray on and pointed out a couple good Conference talks that have helped me to refocus and try to get over the hurt and betrayal that I've felt. I'm SO blessed to have him in my life and SO blessed for the STRONG testimony I have of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Now, I'm not saying I didn't contribute to this mess. That would be stupid. It takes two (or in this case three) to tango. We are all to blame. Looking back I would've done a few things differently, and would hope that they would've too. I have definately learned a lot in this whole ordeal and I'll try hard to make sure this doesn't happen again. I hope that we can all be reminded of The Golden Rule and remember that even if you disagree with someone, you still need to treat them with respect and love, no matter how "right" you think you are. I also hope that this hurt I'm feeling doesn't last too long.Thanks for letting me vent.

These are the following comments:


Cynthia said...
Oh Angela, I'm so sorry this happened. It is so hard to have these experiences. I'm glad for your positive attitude; you can never go wrong when you continue to be kind and love others even when they aren't showing you the same courtesy. That said, that is VERY difficult to do. Keep at it, girl. You're awesome!!
November 9, 2009 6:58 PM

SWhitleyNC said...
I love you...Hate, Hate, Hate...I am really sad those sisters did that...Hate, Hate, Hate...I am sure Heavenly Father is sad, too...Hate, Hate, Hate...I guess we just need to "pray for those sisters" like one of them emailed the other day...Hate,Hate,Hate...they need to listen to their own words and rememeber actions speak louder than words, but words hurt, too...Hate, Hate, Hate...stay true to what you know is right and I LOVE YOU!!! Sharon
November 13, 2009 12:44 PM

Christy Ivory said...
Man Ang,I must know somemore details. I'll call you in a couple of days. Hang in there. You don't need them. Make other friends. You don't need to waste your time with people who don't appreciate you. DOn't let them bother you. You are totally above that. Have a good day and just pretend like it never happened. Otherwise it will eat away at you like.....umm....something. Keep your chin up!
November 15, 2009 3:35 AM

Anonymous said...
I am afraid that any healing that is to be done will be more difficult now that things have been "vented" all over the internet. I hope "true friends" aren't being asked to take sides. Adversity comes in many shapes, sizes, and guises, and they help us see our weaknesses and strengths. I have been so torn not knowing what to say to help you. I am empathetic to your sensitivity and feelings, but you will get more peace from prayer than from writing people off and not remembering that none of us are paid to serve in the church. We are not only judged by our actions, but how we react to others. I love you.
November 16, 2009 9:02 AM

Anonymous said...
The first anonymous comment was right on the button. This post really wasn't the best way to retrieve the spirit, nor to invite others to feel it. We love you Angela and so does your Heavenly Father. He is the one who can really turn this around appropriately, Not the masses in the ether.
November 16, 2009 7:51 PM

Anonymous said...
Oh Angela, I hope that your anonymous "friends" realize that a PERSONAL blog is a place to vent your PERSONAL feelings - kind of like a journal. When you have been betrayed like you have, its okay to feel hurt and even blog about it. (It kind of sounds like your "friends" are on the defensive because they know they have something to be ashamed about). Sometimes it helps just to write it all down in order to let it go. It is a part of your life and it is something that you are clearly struggling with and attempting to deal with right now. I hope that you can find peace from this and I am so proud of you for trying to gain eternal perspective too. And as far as "true friends" are concerned, it sounds like those women never were. Just know that there are people out here that think you are an amazing person and that we are wishing only the VERY best for you!!! - Valerie H
November 17, 2009 3:29 PM

Shauna Martin said...
Angela, I would like your permission to repost this entry onto my blog. I love so much how you have handled this issue and hope that all of the other parties involved have had the opportunity to soul search as you have. You are such a wonderful person and certainly do not deserve to be treated in the manner that you have. I think that you are a great example and a wonderful leader! Love you! Shauna
November 18, 2009 12:52 AM

Anonymous said...
Anybody read the October 2009 Ensign? There's a great little blurb about blogging. If you want something to be private, this is not the venue. Don't give in to the natural man! Peace, sisters! : )
November 18, 2009 6:54 AM

Sharon Whitley said...
We all get to make choices in life...we can choose to go to PERSONAL blogs and read what that person has to say...or we can CHOOSE NOT TO READ IT. (Maybe the last entry should re-read the article since they left a comment on a "blog" themselves.) We don't have control over waht someone else says or does in this temporal world. We don't even get to have control over the consequences to choices...and that is the part that stinks. It is funny how when someone uses their God given right to "voice their opinion"...and we all have opinions on everything (especially women)...it becomes a "choosing of sides". There is something called respect that was lost somewhere along this journey and it makes me sad. We are ALL Heavenly Father's children and I am sure He is saddened at what we are all doing to each other...why not pick up the phone and call and do the old fashion thing of apoligize...blogs, emails and even letters can be interpreted the wrong way. We need to FEEL of each other's spirits...and it is hard to do in a format like this. Yes, there might be yelling to start with...but if we try to see the others point of view...whether we agree with it or not...we might be able to heal those deep flesh wounds. I saw Angela extremely heartbroken this past Fast Sunday at what happenend to her. I was very disappointed that two of my fellow ward members were involved in this huge heartache for her (even if they didn't mean for it to be interpreted the way Angela did)...and they have not made any attempt to phone HER and try to straighten this out. This is not how Heavenly Father would want this to end. We don't just brush it under the rug and think it will go away. When a married couple is having difficulty in their marriage...I am sure their Bishop would not suggest "divorce" at the first meeting...he wouldn't even just talk to one of them, then the other and then make some life altering decision for them...but through counsel with the Lord and both the husband and wife...he would have them work this out.That is Heavenly Father's plan. Friendships are the same. They ARE worth fighting for. We are suppose to be a ward family...and families do disagree...but in the end...we have to keep that eternal perspective...who we are, where we are going and "why we are here"...please dear sisters...please CALL each other and meet for lunch. (Pray first so the Lord will guide you.) I will look after children so that this emnity that is growing at such a fast pace...ends. YOU CAN make a difference in the life of your sisters. Pride goeth before a fall...don't let Satan win this.Much love and peace to all involved at this point.
November 18, 2009 10:04 AM

Anonymous said...
I just think these comments are very commical that you people actually THINK you know what's going on and who's to blame! Stay to your own business and LOVE ONE ANOTHER!
November 18, 2009 11:40 AM

Shauna Martin said...
One other thing that I wanted to tell you Angela, I am proud of you for your faith. Someone with less faith than you would surely have let this contention cause them to go inactive. I truly hope that everything works out here although I really don't see how that could be possible when "anonymous" refuses to acknowledge any part in what is going on. I completely agree with what Sharon has said and loved her example of a marriage that was having problems. Surely that couple would not really think that email was the way to actually communicate. LOVE YOU! :)
November 18, 2009 12:15 PM

Anonymous said...
Ditto the last comment! You can still love your friends but don't contribute to the gossip. Yep, that's what it is...GOSSIP! Nobody knows what the full story is but the people involved, and that's the way it should stay. I love my ward and everyone in it! I hope the parties involved can resolve things peacefully, because I know that all of the ladies involved are sweet, sweet women!