Toys R Us

Tonight I couldn't handle being in my house anymore so I took the kids over to Valerie's. they were doing some major remodeling in their basement and we were pretty much just in the way so we scooted out of there. It was only 5:00 and I didn't want to go home so I decided we would go somewhere to eat. The only fast food I felt like eating was Burger King (still gross) but when I pulled into the parking lot I decided to let the kids go into toys r us to look at toys. I was a little scared at this point because I wanted to deal with ZERO fits about having to leave toys there. Wren was in H.E.A.V.E.N. she was running up and down the isles saying "oh my gosh mom, come look at this" "mom, this is so awesome!" "This is the best store ever mom!" It was sooo cute. Memphis just sat in the cart, content to be pushed around and wanting me to blow in his face. Crazy kid! ;) 

When we got to the bike/car aisle, wren jumped into this little Mini Cooper and cried out, "mom, the door was UNLOCKED!!" Then I couldn't even get her to look at me and smile because she was "vrrrrooooming" away! 

We had a really good time, wren didnt cry or ask for anything when we left and we still got to have BK on the way home. Toys R Us must have really worn her out because there was only one getting out if bed tonight and that was to go potty! 

THAT'S what I call a successful night! 

Panic attacks

Ok, since Jeremiah has been gone on this hitch I have not been sleeping well. I'm talking -not going to sleep until almost 5, sometimes more like 7 in the morning. It's crazy. I have these anxiety or panic attacks while I'm laying in bed thinking about what could happen. The day that Jeremiah went back on. (He's working in ND right now) I woke up with a numb hand. While trying to get the blood flowing back into it, other fingers went to sleep. Then my lips went tingly on the right side of my face. Then my leg felt weak. I thought I was having a strike and really started to panic. This happened to me one other time and Jeremiah was not home for that time either. I knew that things were going to get worse and I just kept thinking "what if I die?!" I don't necessarily call anyone in a daily basis and if Jeremiah didnt hear from me that night when he got to ND, he probably wouldn't be too concerned until the next day sometime. Meanwhile our kids would be stuck in our house all alone, no one to take care of them. With moms dead body. Yes, morbid, I know! So, I tried to text Valerie and just ended up sending her gibberish but somehow managed to get the HELP message in there. She called and had Sam Hendricks, her Father in Law come over and sit with my kids and she took me to the dr. I was reluctant to go because I have no insurance and NO money :( she was so worried that she fronted the bill. After seeing the dr. I had a migraine and they gave me three shots in the hip. ($410 later! Ugh). So. After that scare I think that I am now more worried than ever about what could happen if something happened to me or I am also really worried about someone breaking into the house. I have set up an air conditioner in our bedroom so I can't hear what's going on upstairs as well and every creak or weird noise jolts me awake. I need sleep and I don't know how to get past this fear I'm having. Grrr! I feel on the edge all the time. What to do??

Random

Ok, I realize that I haven't written on this blog in a LOOOONG time. Weirdly the thing that brought me back was a betrayal from a friend. This is a friend that has been "off" one other time in our friendship and at least at the time that the first "off" happened, I had a sense of what had happened. Granted, I still feel like she took the cheap, cowardly way out by writing me a letter, but at least I had a reason. This time she just disappeared out of my life one day. Her and her family moved to Rexburg. I'm pretty sure that when the first moved there that I saw her more than I did when she lived in IF. I went down there fairly often and always stopped to say hi or we got together and went to the water park or did something. I have NO IDEA what I did to her. She unfriended me on facebook and won't return any messages. I really feel like I was a good friend in this relationship. It is so frustrating/hurtful/confusing to me because I really feel like I put myself into this relationship and got nothing back. What is wrong with people? What is wrong with you?